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  • Category Archives Jokes
  • The truth…

    There are four kinds of sex :

    HOUSE SEX – When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

    BEDROOM SEX – After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

    HALL SEX – After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”

    COURTROOM SEX – When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve got.

     


  • A husband and wife…

    A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

    The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

    Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

    He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”


  • Definitely

    Nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?”

    First a little girl says “The sky is definitely blue” Teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange…”

    Second little boy…”Trees are definitely green” “Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.”

    Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

    “Does a fart have lumps?”

    The teacher looks horrified and says…”Johnny! Of course not!!!”

    “OK…then I DEFINITELY shit my pants…”


  • A Fathers Pain

    A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

    Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby’s father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.

    The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaning that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and “kick it up a notch.”

    The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.

    Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

    The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.